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June 19, 2015

Looking Ahead

Sometimes, when I try to imagine my future and what is in store for us in the next few years, I’m paralyzed with fear. My body goes cold and I have a mini panic attack. My mind freezes, literally freezes, and my eyes glaze over. It’s petrifying.
The only way for it to ease is sending up a wordless prayer.

You may know the kind I’m talking about.

‘Dear Lord, Please…….’

Then that’s it. That’s as far as you can verbally, or mentally, manage. And afterward you are completely exhausted after thinking or saying those three words.

Afterward you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue about your day… Pretending like you have it all together.

It’s times of change that bring about the most fear. The shift away from the familiar and into the unknown. New towns, new houses, new people, new places. Everything strange and unclaimed. Becoming acquainted with your surroundings and trying to find a semblance of ‘normal’ when really it’s just all new and terrifying.

Looking at my life, the mantra has become, ‘get us all through today.’ Because if I get too caught up in what is to come, I will be the thing that our family has to get past in order to live out best lives. And I don’t want that.

So here I am, dusting myself off and looking at the things that I have to complete right now.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Let me live one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things tight if I surrender to His will so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever and ever in the next.

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