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March 25, 2014

Dear Jaxon,

A few months ago I purchased a small leather notebook, intending to really journal about what pregnancy was like.
Needless to say, I was terrible about it and didn't do it once.
 Instead I have decided to turn it into a collection of letters to my son. 

I hope to fill my small journal, and many more.
 On special events and birthdays.
Days when I am madder than a hatter, just to give a dose of reality. 
I hope to have Jake write a few so that together we can give them to Jaxon once he is older. 
Maybe he will think they are corny. 
Maybe he will love love them.

Either way I was surprised to find the words harder to write than I thought. How do you say the right things to convey feelings that are hard to express through mere words? 
It's like how in Hebrew, or many other languages, there are many different words for a single English word. 
Nothing will do justice to the things I want to share with my little boy.

My very first letter.

 Jaxon,

     You have been such a blessing to me. Having you here, nestled safe inside of me, has been one of the best experiences of my life. It has given me the chance to fall in love with your every kick and hiccup. I feel as though I know you as I know myself. Possibly better. As you continue to sleep and stretch inside, I can’t help but stare and wonder at the miracle God has given your father and I. We know that you are a blessing onto our lives and will bring us joy and completion as individuals as well as completion as a family. Your father and I are meant to be parents. We were meant to be your parents. I have to admit that we are nervous. The idea of caring for someone that means more to us than or own lives is a great responsibility. It’s intimidating. I know that we will make mistakes and by the grace of God

    
We are not the perfect family and I guarantee that we never will be. But so long as our family is founded in faith and prayer I know that we will make it through any challenge that comes our way. I want you to know that your father and I want what is best for you. We want to offer you a life full of happiness and love. While we may not know everything, we do know how to love. We know how to love with our whole hearts. You coming into our lives has made us realize that we have more than enough love inside of us to love you unconditionally and completely.I’m sure that sometimes we will struggle. That you will question your parent’s sanity. But any confusion, disappointment or hardship that comes to us will be handled with the same love and care that brought you into this world.

     You are so much a part of us that the excitement of meeting you is almost too much to take. We want to know you and learn all of your little quirks. We want to see whose eyes you have, whose nose, whose fingers. We want to watch you grow and flourish in the life that God has in store for you. I wonder daily if you will have your father’s determination, my temper, your father’s tinkering, my love of theatre or our joint love of music. Or maybe you will be completely different. Maybe you will be completely your own person with new and exciting ways that your father and I will have to learn as we go.

      Mainly, I pray that you will come to understand, appreciate and share in the love that we have for the Lord. To know the love that the Lord has for us, our family and our way of life. To know Him as a loving parent to us all. 

We love you so much.
Mommy

     

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