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November 13, 2012

I've Taken A Step

With the support and encouragement from friends and family, I've taken it upon myself to find a counselor. 
It's going to be a new experience and I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me a little bit.
I don't quite know what to expect from the experience... Or from me, really.

My depression surrounding the deployment was pretty hard for me to deal with, and I'm still finding myself stuck and unable to pull myself fully out of it.
My depression isn't the only issue I'm dealing with, it's just the one that I've been open with here.

The hardest thing is feeling like I've failed. Feeling like I'm not 'normal', even though I know that there is no such thing as 'normal'. I did feel a little closer to 'normal' because I'm not dealing with any of the stigmas of counseling/therapy.
It just goes to show that stigmas are a bunch of crap.

It's not like things are unmanageable, I am just looking for a little unbiased, private, outside perspective on my issues. Some outside help. It's easy to put on a mask and pretend for a few hours, and no one is better at repressing things than I am.

I'm blogging about this because I need to be held accountable. 
I want to hold myself responsible.
I can't ignore it or push it to the background.
I know that I'm not alone. I have the best support system anyone could ask for.

2 comments:

Darby Hawley said...

Erin, I'm so proud of you for taking this step; it IS hard, but you've done that. I am praying for you to have a great experience and to find peace with the things you are dealing with. I'm cheering you on girl!

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

The first step is always the hardest! And seeing someone about it is definitely not a failure. NOT seeing someone and continuing to live in a dark place would have been the failure. Good for you for doing something to better yourself!