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August 15, 2012

Conversation

Have you ever sat with a person, had a conversation, and came away stunned?
Speachless.
Then after the conversation you just sat there.... 
Wondering what in the world just happened.

Background:
Roommate is 5'9" and reed thin.
I'm 5'6" an weigh about 18 lbs more than she does, if that gives you any idea.
(I'm a very healthy weight and I love my body. I'm just trying to give you a reference point.)
I've been married for almost 3 years.
She was married for 2 weeks, while living with Jake and I, before her husband left on this deployment.
I think that it is safe to say that I have a little more personal experience on how married life is.
Anyway...


Scene:
KG and I sitting on the couch while watching a re-run episode of Gilmore Girls that she recorded.
I'm not a huge fan, but I wanted to hang out a little before she went to bed, at 9pm.

Her: Hey did you schedule your gyno apt?
Me: Yeah, Dr couldn't get me in until September because of moving offices.
Her: Oh, I'm going to talk to her about BC when I go.

*Insert a quick chat about different BC's and comparing issues with them.*

Her: So, did you gain any weight while you were on that one?

Me: I don't think so. I think I gained about 10 pounds right after my wedding. You know, the wedding 10? Hahaha.

Her: What do you mean? 

Me: You know, when you gain a little weight after getting married. It's like the freshman 15, but for married people...

Her: What?

 Me: Well, it's because of the change in your lifestyle. You start sharing eating habits with your spouse. When they eat, you eat... You might not be hungry, but you want to spend time with them... You choose to spend time together rather than work out. You're less on the go because you now have someone who you want to spend every living second with... Newlywed things. I gained about 10 pounds... Probably on my honeymoon due to the 24 hour food bar. Hahaha.

Her: Wait, so just because I'm married I have to be fat?!

Me:......................................... Heh............
*Check to see if she was joking*
*Nope*
 No, Kg.

*I sat for a minute and processed what just happened...Stood up, picked up my things, grabbed Asher and went upstairs to my bedroom.*

Excuse me?
I didn't even know what to say.
So, I just left.
I knew she didn't mean to hurt my feelings. 
But she did.

That's just one conversation from this year.
Some, I'm sure were dumb ones from me speaking before thinking about what was about to come out of my mouth.
But I happen to filter some things.
Example:
'Fat' isn't a word anyone can just throw around in a conversation.

It's been an interesting year, to say the least.

2 comments:

Lindsay K {lastyearoftwentysomething} said...

I gotta say, that conversation would leave me feeling the same way! Sometimes people don't realize what they are saying and what it means to the other person...that's gotta be tough living with a roommate while being married. Don't worry, karma will turn around in your favor for this one! :)

Jenna Caldwell said...

You know, this really hit home with me. I over analyze every word that comes out of my mouth, always double, triple checking I'm not going to hurt someone with my words or actions. Often times, I don't say anything in fear of not getting it right. When I do say it, I obsess over it in my head for hours {or days}, trying to decide if I said the right thing, or if I accidentally hurt them by saying what I did.
I still struggle with this daily, because I realized some time ago, that filtering your thoughts and conversations is kind of rare. I think most people, generally, say what they want, and hope for the best. I've learned that typically, people aren't intentionally hurting me.
But that doesn't mean that they didn't. And I have learned to let them know when they do. If I don't I bottle it up and it builds and builds until I burn bridges because I wasn't the one communicating my feelings.
They often don't apologize for their words, but I still feel better that I made my case, and then I let it go.
It's the hardest thing I've had to learn to do, and I still struggle with it, but I have {at least a little bit} built better relationships lately.
Thanks for sharing:)