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June 16, 2011

Dear Dermatologist,

It's no secret that I don't have the best skin. 
In fact, complain to me about you're one pimple and I'll go mental on your face and give you something to complain about.

I've been struggling with acne since I was in middle school. And unfortunately for me, as other people who have struggled know, acne has a way of wearing you down and beating the crap out of your confidence. 

I am one of those people who tried to strategically cover breakouts.
I nonchalantly have my hand covering breakouts while I talk to other people.
I never wear my hair up and I part it on the side, not for fashion, but so I can use the face-covering sweep of my hair to my advantage.
I can't remember the last time I wore a tank top or bathing suit and was 100% comfortable with my skin's appearance.
I never go a day without wearing, at least, foundation.

It's always been like this.
 I distinctly remember a time in 7th grade when a kid, who I never had liked, was standing next to me in the lunch line and turned to me while stating how my face resembled the pizza he was buying. 

I'm not making this up. 

In response I did something I have never forgotten. 
I made a fat comment.
It was a gut wrenching reflex. 
He cut me down about my looks.
(As a female in this society, nothing is worse than being flawed.)
He made fun of me for something I couldn't control, and as a response I did the same. 
I'm ashamed to this day to think of the hurt I might have caused.
Unfortunately, for me, that scene plays in my mind constantly. 
And it's been 10 years.

As an acne sufferer I've tried everything over the counter that you can imagine. I've even been prescribed topical medications, birth control... 
Everything short of Accutane, which while I've sure it works for people, I refuse to allow it to wreck my body just to have clear skin.

Name a company and I've probably tried their line. 
Some things would work for a month or two, but my skin always seemed to adjust and jump ship. 
When I was in 8th grade my regular doctor put me on the pill specifically for my skin. Talk about embarrassing. Try being 13 and your dad having to fill that prescription. I've been on and off a form of birth control ever since. 

Recently Jake's been suggesting seeing a dermatologist.
My one previous experience with a derm. was horrible. I was asked what products I was using and have used then given a list of random drugstore products to buy.
Excuse me. 
I came here for you to look at my skin, do some tests, give me some answers, at the very least give me a prescription... Not for you to tell me to go and buy products that I've already used/tried. I'm here because they didn't work....

Anyway. after having grown out of teen acne I've graduated to adult acne.

I've been using MK products, and while I've had the softest skin of my life, I've not gotten any other results. With the urging of my husband (another blow to the pompus) I tried something new. 

I ordered the line from Murad. 
I've been using it for about 4 days.
Huge mistake. Huge. 
It's a new product for my skin, so it's semi-helping in the respect that it's kinda clearing up my mess...
However I've never had this kind of skin. 
My soft skin had turned into a scaly desert.
I'm afraid to smile in case my face literally splits into two.
Even using my old moisturizer on top of the Murad moisturizer isn't helping.
Crying seems like an option that would kill two birds with one stone. Goodness knows my face needs a drink.
(Don't worry. I'm just thinking of it as finally getting the tough skin I've been pretending to have.)

I can't see this through to the end of the micro-mini bottles that I paid almost $40 for.
(They're all 2oz. bottles!)
I'm tossing it tonight. 

And doing a desperately needed deep moisturizing mask. 
Multiple times.
A literal rinse and repeat.

I'm now taking suggestions/recommendations as to where to go from here.

1 comment:

Sara said...

A very good friend of mine has acne similar to what you described. It took her a few different dermatologist visits (all different) to finally get one who could do a kind of facial, similar to a chemical peel but not as harsh, and it got rid of her acne temporarily. Of course in order to keep it gone she will have to keep going periodically, and it isn't cheap. She also is on a specific birth control for acne and she said it helps a bit but she uses other products too and even then it isn't all cleared up, but it does help a lot.

If I were you I would definitely try to find a different dermatologist and see if they do free consultations and just go in and find out what they can do help you. Not all of them are going to be idiots and tell you to go to the drugstore haha (what a quack!).