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June 24, 2011

A Flying Leap

That's what we had to tell the vet, and people we talked to immediately afterward, what happened.

That Asher took a flying leap off our bed while he was chasing the cat. In all honesty, I'm surprised she believed me.

Yesterday was an interesting day, to say the least. Jake and I got off work and headed out to the Honda dealership to spend $92 on 4 bolts and 2 gaskets for his car. Not our idea of a great time. In the car we talked about all kinds of stuff. We hadn't seen too much of each other recently due to my play practices and his MMA workouts, youth soccer practices, drill, and seemingly hundreds of other things he has going on. 

We were supposed to pick up Asher and head straight over to my parents so my dad and Jake could finally replace the resignator and exhaust pipe on Jake's Civic.

We took a little romantic detour.

Or at least we tried. 

On reflection we probably could have left Asher in his cage. We could have taken care of business and paid our little pup some attention. That's all he wanted. He was so excited to see us after being kenneled while we were at work and we were a little preoccupied.

I, on accident, nudged him off our bed in the heat of the moment.

You can laugh, I give you permission.
Hell, I'll even joke with you about it while I cry inside.

Can you see why we have two stories going on here?
Please, if you were told the 'G' story, I don't want to talk about how we're changing stories mid-crisis. We told you the nice version so the vet's staff, and you, wouldn't talk bad about us. 
Also, because it is absolutely mortifying... Please don't be offended or mad about it.
But that's what really happened.

His crying didn't register to me at first. 
Jake said he heard his leg break. 
I shudder just thinking about it.

All of a sudden Jake was out of bed and scooping Asher up. 

They call it the 'Italian Greyhound death cry'... Now, Jake and I know why.

He called for me to call the vet. I was up and starting to get dressed because I knew we were going to the vet. I ran downstairs in a little less clothes than I'm comfortable to grab the vets number off the fridge. I called and told them we were coming. Running back upstairs I finished getting back into my clothes while Jake tried calming Ash down. Once I was ready I took him so Jake could get dressed.

It was awful. 

Jake didn't handle it well because of his state of undress and complete immobility. It's amazing the words that can fly out of his mouth in that kind of situation. It didn't help things in the least.
I had to keep a cool head while internally screaming at myself and trying and get everything calmed down and taken care of.

If the situation had been just a smidgen different, say if we had both been dressed, Jake and I would have worked amazingly as a team.

Asher calmed down and only started the death scream if his leg/wrist was jostled. It made passing him off a heart wrenching experience.

Jake got peed on.
I almost puked because of the type of break it was. 
Not compound, praise the Lord. 
But disturbing to look at.

We are very blessed that our vet is also an animal hospital and only a 4 minute drive from our house.
Also that we have such a resilient pup.

It was an awful 10 minutes between the break happening and getting to the vet. They were amazing about getting him into a room quickly.
I went in with him and Jake called family members, especially my dad who was waiting for us, about what 'had happened'.

They took Asher back and took x-rays.
This isn't his x-ray. 
The link on our disk was broken, so this is the closest to what his looked like and what the vet will do in surgery today.

I cried for almost 3 hours after it happened.

If it had been a true accident on his part I think I wouldn't have been as affected.
But the accident was my fault.
Not Jake's.
Not Asher's.
Mine.

The accidents are always my fault, it seems.

Jake was upset and I'm so afraid he's going to blame me, not for hurting our puppy because it was 100000% unintentional, but for the bill that is going to come with Asher's visit.

Add onto that the guilt that I feel for being the cause for my baby puppy's pain. 
My sister said it sounded like I had 'mother's guilt'. 
Only my dog had a broken leg.
It's a little different from infant's getting shots...
Kind of the same...
But very different.

Please don't criticize me about this incident. 
I don't need any more guilt.
I'm giving myself more than enough for all of us.
don't remind me of the breed we purchased or 'paid too much for'.
I didn't want to hear any 'I told you so's'.
My dad made sure to beat you to the punch.

I just wanted to tell someone.
I wanted to get it out and try to recover, emotionally, from the shock and feeling so ashamed.
I can't even look Jake in the eye.

I didn't want to start crying again.

3 comments:

Cortney said...

Aw Erin, you poor thing, and poor Asher. It won't make you feel any better but when Luca was a year old, Steve tripped carrying him up the stairs and Luca ended up biting through his tongue. Just last week I jerked open the car door and beaned Stella, who I didn't hear step 2 steps to the right and straight into the 'danger zone'....huge dent in her forehead, followed by much much howling on her part and a very ugly knot and bruise.

Puppy or baby, he got hurt and it was in some part your fault (really I blame gravity more) and the guilt will eat at you until he is mended. Don't feel like a bad mommy, accidents happen.

Hugs sweetie :)

Nikki said...

Erin, this is such a sad story. I am so sorry this happened to you and your poor puppy. I hope the little guy does well in surgery and heals without too much pain.

Phil and Darby Hawley said...

Erin you have had a rough couple days! I'm sorry to hear about little Asher's arm. Praying for a speedy recover for you and your fur baby. You're a great fur mama, no matter what you're guilt is otherwise telling you!!