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December 30, 2011


Well today is the day of mixed emotions. 
Twin is coming home.
The whole family is going to meet him.

I've been excited for everyone, but secretly dreading today since Thanksgiving.
I may know how I'll act...
But I sure as hell don't know what I'm going to be feeling the moment I see the mirror image of my husband hugging family.
I imagine I'll swallow the bitterness and fight with my emotions from this day until the end of this deployment.
I'm already fighting.

I'm not mad or upset about Twin coming home.
I'm actually really happy for him and for his family. 
Excited even. 
He's needed here in a different way than Jake is.
His little boy needs him.

It's not more or less...
Just different.
And I'm OK with that.

I just don't like that on the outside, it'll look like him. 
Hugging them, kissing her, holding them.
So similar, but so very different.

To be put in such a position is scary. 
It makes me wonder how God thinks I'm so strong.
Time will tell.

The only thing I can look forward to is that Jake will be here in a matter of days, helping ease the sting a little.
I just hate that he has to get back on a plane after all is said and done.

Be on the look out for a mental breakdown.
And I'm only half kidding.

Classy in Leopard

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Suede Boots - Forever 21, $27.80
Satin Blazer - Forever 21, $37.80
Mauve Chiffon top - Forever 21, $22.80
Leopard Scarf - Charlotte Russe, $9.50
Jeans - American Eagle, $44.99
Sunglasses - Forever 21, $5.80
Purse - Target, $24.99

December 29, 2011

Dressing like a Woman, Spending like a Junior.

Admit it. 
It's hard going from the junior's section at a store to the misses. 
It's a struggle I'm facing currently. I feel like my fashion choices put me in a limbo. I want the fun, flirty style found in the junior section... Not to mention the lower prices.
 However, I much prefer the coverage that the misses section carries.
Let's face it.
I don't care how hot your legs are, no self respecting woman wears mini skirts that barely cover their butt cheeks unless they're a stripper.... 
But then that takes away the whole self-respect aspect of this example.

Thank you Forever 21, for creating a line of clothing that gives the great prices you store offers, with the hemlines of a professional, stylish, adult.
With you store, Love 21, I can now shop for myself without the fear of purchasing anything that will give me LiLo or Britany infamy. 
I can feel like a fully clothed adult.
And a stylish one at that.
(now if only you would lower the hem lines of your regular apparel so I'm not afraid to raise a girl in this society...)

Another shout out goes to H&M.
Admittedly, it is a little hard to walk into a store with a new outlook on adult fashion and not be scared right back out again by the variety of styles to choose from. However, I adore seeing what is 'next' for the retail world. 
I may only buy one piece at a time. (one that I can be assured will fit in with my current wardrobe and be worn on a regular basis) But oh how I love that one thing.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
By stocking lines from fashionable young women (Lauren Conrad) in your misses section, I have gained a whole new respect for the other designers that lay scattered among the racks. I now only glimpse over at the junior's section wishing for the class and style that can come from an amazing top by Vera Wang.
Thankfully my bank account doesn't love you as much or else I would be broke.

Anyone have a store shout out they'd like to share? One that has helped them ease from the junior's section, fashionably, with your (and wallet) head held high? 

December 28, 2011

Shuffling Soldiers

Does that bring to mind a picturesque dance number of uniformed hunks with a leading man singing a rowdy drinking song?
Just me?
(Damn musical focused mind.)

This holiday season has been one of complete insanity. 
It started off with thanksgiving-
The night before, Jake tells me that he is moving from his fairly comfortable base at Camp Phoenix to the base where his brother was... Only his brother would be coming home. It was a big bummer for me and hard to work through emotionally in order to truly come to peace with the circumstances of all this stupidity called the Army.

 The end of November, up until about Monday last week brought more complaining and worries. Everyone was beginning to shift from base to base. 
Twin had left and was stuck in an airport stateside, unable to get home for Christmas due to having to go through demob. 
RG was given R&R for Christmas and had started traveling... Having to hear about his lack of communication during travel was a little frustrating. (There is only so much a soldier can do about contact when all that is going on)
Jake all of a sudden dropped off the face of the earth for a whole week as he traveled from one base to another (and another).

I'm happy to say that Twin in going to be home before the New Year.
RG is home and taking up valuable bathroom counter space. 
And Jake made it safely to his new base.

Now the countdown for Jake's R&R (and my birthday!!!!) can begin. 
That's right my loves! Jake is coming how for R&R for my 25th birthday!!!!
I'm beyond excited!

December 14, 2011


A few nights ago I was heading home from my MIL's house and my phone didn't want to connect to call Big Sis. I hit the end button and waited for my phone to turn off. Once it did I held the power button to turn it back on so I could ask some crazy important question that I, by that time, had forgotten.

My phone stayed on the boot up screen for the next hour.

As I pulled up to the house, I grumbled while secretly trying to calculate how long until my phone upgrade.
I got out of the car, messed with my keys while holding the power button on my phone, and walked up to open the screen door.
It didn't open.
It was locked.
I didn't even know that it had a lock.
I jiggled the handle and started at it like my awesome mind powers would persuade it to tumble open like a magical thing.

There was no key for the door...
 There wasn't even a lock for which a key would work to open the dang thing.

I looked at my broken, useless, stupid phone and realized that I had been sucked back in time.
Back to a time where if you were locked out of your freaking house, you had to resort to force... Or you walked to a neighbor's house.
As I explained previously, I don't know my neighbors, and any key that I would have given them would be useless because it was the unlockable screen door that was keeping me out in the cold.

Needless to say, I peeked into my garage and saw that KG's car was there. 
She was home.
Salvation was close.
Now to just get her attention.
I knocked on the door.
I pounded on the door.
I was rough with the stupid screen door, vowing that it was coming off once I got inside.
I had the tools to do it.

I needed a freaking phone!

I had an iPad.

And even though I was outside and the signal was insanely weak, I had Wifi!
I had an iPad and Wifi!

I have Skype.
Skype is like a phone.
KG has Skype.

So I stood there, on my own porch, and Skyped my roommate, who was inside, from my own wifi.

She picked up, Praise the Lord, and let me inside.
She had locked the screen door when she was baking and the fire alarm went off, and having had the door open, she was scared of creepers.

After I was inside and I could feel my fingers again I fought with my phone for a good half hour trying to get the battery case open and resetting my phone.
Of course this was only after I texted my dad from via email and asked him when his Verizon contract was up so I could start a countdown until my new phone.

My birthday. 
I'm getting an upgrade for my birthday, which is in 1 month.

It's on like Donkey Kong!

Now I just have to decide between a Droid (Razrot Thunderbolt) or an iPhone.

December 13, 2011


So my experience with neighbors has been limited. One girl played the OSU night games on the side of her condo... 
I was stupid and didn't go out and socialize because of Jake having just left when the season started... 
I didn't watch a single game this season.
She does have a cute pug that Asher tries to sniff out every time we pass their porch.

My other neighbor has only seen me in the worst shape.
This was due to me parking in his assigned spot that he NEVER uses because I couldn't leave the house to park it on the street due to having food poisoning.
Yeah. I opened the door and immediately regretted it... 
I think he did too.

My childhood consisted of one other family who we shared holidays with in the neighborhood.
To this day, we randomly hear their children, grown up and independent, coming into the house to grab a DVD  or Wii game to borrow.
Or they just barge in on our family dinner night to crash the party and have a beer.
Did I mention that all three of the kids were boys.
Their mother often comes over for 'girl time' with my mom.

I digress...

So anyway, does anyone give neighbor gifts for the holiday season?

December 8, 2011

Living With an OCD Roommate

These past few months have been interesting in the apartment, to say the least.
I feel that I've learned a lot about myself.
And what it's like having a roommate..

KG is OCD.
Like mad OCD.
Like she cleans up behind me a little bit if I don't put things 'in their proper place' the first time.
She And she has a little mind freak when a DVD case is sitting on the TV stand while we're watching said DVD.

IT's definitely interesting.

I understand why she is the way that she is. If I was raised thinking that a house should be cleaner than a hotel... I'd be the same way.

But because my mom cared more about us than the state of her house (not necessarily the best thing either. You need it to be about even...) I'm very much not up to par with KG and her cleanliness.
I'm not awful and disgusting...
I just don't care as much.

It's almost comical.

All annoyances aside, living with an OCD clean freak, her words. Not mine. 
OK, mine too.
It has made me start appreciating the every day cleaning rather than the weekly/bi-weekly overhaul that I'm use to.
It's good.
Plus, I now rinse everything and put it in the dishwasher.

Due to KG not having ever lived with anyone else, I hope that I'm teaching her how to relax a little bit... Because Lord knows men aren't the cleanest creatures, and she has one who she is going to have to live with every day for the rest of her life once this deployment is over...

December 7, 2011

Pinteresting Wednesday Inspiration

Because I need to see and read these as much as some of you might.

December 6, 2011

Some News

No, I'm not pregnant.
HA! Nice try.

The boys have told us that due to the military drawbacks the unit, 'as of right now', is being cut in half and some people are being sent home.
Political crap.

Guess who isn't on that list.
Now take a wild guess as to who is.

If you guessed that Jake and RG are staying you win.
If you guessed that Twin was coming home before Christmas...
Congrats. You can read my sarcasm via blog! 
Be proud!

It's an interesting test from God, I know it is.

The day after Jake told me was Thanksgiving and from my point of view, needless to say, I didn't handle it well. 
I basically confined myself to hanging out with Asher as much as I could. Which isn't as hard as you'd think considering we were at SIL's house and he was being a 'Velcro dog', per usual. (barking and such)
I tried to not let it effect me very much because it is a happy thing for TOB and Gabe, who were there.
And even though for a split second I contemplated unleashing the beast that is my uncensored mouth on my little-sister-in-law and going home... I didn't.
Instead I did what I do best.
 I cried for a split second, sucked it up, shut my mouth and pretended like nothing was wrong.

In the days since I'm afraid to say that the acidic anger that I felt hasn't gone away.
It's simmered some.
Normally these outbursts are held in until I'm someplace where I can literally attack things without fear of someone judging me...

Well, except the people who see me driving while yelling to myself and flailing about.
For them, I'm sure it's quite a show.

I don't talk to TOB about how I feel or the situation because there isn't any point. 
She can't control the situation. 
Twin didn't do it on purpose. 
In fact, it's Twin that should come home and be with his little boy. 

It's just a little hard to see the lesson God is teaching Jake and I.
And it hurts.
And I don't quite know what to do about it.

I have no idea how I'm going to be once Twin is actually home.
I'm already fighting that desertion impulse that I tend to have when I am too hurt or don't approve of a situation.
Prayers of strength, understanding and peace of heart would be great.

The only good that has come out of this is that there is another possible draw back in March.
Who knows, we'll see what it brings.

November 30, 2011

Why Didn't He Say So?

I guess the title of this post should be "Why Didn't I Listen When He Said So?"

Have you ever been felt like your husband wasn't on the same wavelength as you?
You tell him something and he skirts around the subject.
He avoids it.
He 'makes excuses'.

That was how I thought Jake was with the "Baby' topic.
I thought he was just trying to put me off the idea until we could really talk about it.
I saw 'after I get into med school' as the delaying tactic that it was. 
I accepted it in a way that most people do when they think they know better than another.
I nodded in agreement while drooling over onesies, daydreaming about light eyes and little hands...

It took SIL telling me about a conversation that took place before he left to really hear what my husband was saying. It took my emotions and my lack of hearing out of the equation.

He told her that he wanted time without a deadline, without the impending deployment, to be ourselves.
To just be US.
And a puppy.
And a cat (why do we always forget about him?)
And to travel.

She was telling me about all of this and my brain and ears didn't quite align until she said the word 'travel'.

And he was talking T.R.A.V.E.L. 
Over oceans.
Something that is, not impossible, but difficult with a baby.

The sad thing:
I don't even know or remember if he has ever said that very same thing to me...
I have a fear that he has and that I just thought over him. 
Wanting what I wanted.
Not stopping to listen to him.

And now my mind if full of flights and touristy things. 
Romantic sights. 
Historical places.

Jake's base had an incident last month that resulted in people dying.
A suicide bomber off base.
He is, and was, fine in a way that you say when you know someone's life has been altered by outside events.

He told me that he had daydreams about babies after that incident.
It made me cry.
I was sad to know that the carefree and immortal mentality of my husband was shriveling up.
It happens to every soldier who stares war in the face.

It's funny to get what you wanted at a price you weren't expecting to pay.
I tell him that he was right, that traveling while it's just us is an excellent idea.
He tells me that since he wants to travel with family, and that they all have babies, that there is no sense delaying something that we both want 'just because it seems inconvenient'...

I told him that we had to give he plan to God. 
Give our timeline to Him and see what excitement he can come up with.

November 28, 2011

Since You've Been Gone

The only part of my legs that have seen a razor since Seattle?
My ankles.
KG and I are having a competition.
A 'My husband is gone and my legs are hairy' competition.
And just because I love you so much, 
I will not be posting pictures.

November 27, 2011

2nd Anniversary

2 years ago today it was black Friday and my dad got up at 5am to get a new flat screen TV... 
Then he walked me down the isle, in the most beautiful dress I've ever seen or owned, toward the man of my dreams.

Last year, we celebrated one year, low key and with our new puppy Maverick. I thought life couldn't get better. I never knew what the good Lord had in store for me.
It's been a crazy year.
I'm blessed daily with the life I've been given.

And even though my husband isn't here to celebrate with me...
I am closer to him now than I ever have been.

November 23, 2011


I've had the time to reflect on how the stress of this deployment is effecting me.
I'm not frantic.
I'm not crying.
I'm not gaining enough weight to count.
No migraines or headaches.
No lax cleanliness habits.
No anger issues.
No dead immune system.
Not even my usual over sleeping.

My hair is falling out.
I'm not balding.
Not even in the least.
However I'd imagine it is similar to what pregnant women experience after they're done with pregnancy.
It's to the point where I should vacuum everyday, not because of the black cat hair, 
but because of my own.

Having to help my puppy out after I found out that he tried to digest some of my LONG hair, for the umpteenth time, I have decided that it was my stress that was causing this phenomena.
Sick discovery.
Traumatizing on both of us.
And there isn't much I can do about it.

And based on recent revelations, I have a feeling that the other 'usual' stress indicators are not far behind.
It's going to be an interesting next few months.

November 22, 2011

Glee: Season 3

We all know I'm a huge Gleek.

So I just wanted to share my feeling about the season so far.

The season started out with the anger and resement of fellow Gleeks at the announcement that this season would be the last for Rachel, Finn and Curt. The exit of these three story line heavy leads will bring an interesting aspect to the season finale.

I digress.

The story lines so far for the seniors have been sub par.

Nothing really going on. She's trying to get into a NY college for performing arts...Lets not forget to add Rachel to the ever growing and morally challenged group of non-virgins. I was so dissapointed that the show added her, the one person who could have made abstinence cool, to the list of kids who take that final step, thinking they're more adults than the children. Teen sexuality has been such a highlight on the show, I held the hope that Rachel character would be the one upstanding character who the virgins could relate to. Nope. Now every Gleek will think that going to college a virgin will equal failure of the teen/high school experience. It's a good thing she is at least valuing her friends more this season.

I'm interested to see what choices she makes. You know the end of the season will be a 'him or the stage' decision.

Nope. Nothing going on for him either. Except that he didn't get recruited by OSU (I would imagine that he might no think that is so bad with the season we are having this year) and he is floundering. He doesn't know what to do with his life. Fortunately, Rachel offers him a chance to be special by giving him the oh so awesome status of popping her cherry. Big bummer that the show makes him the hormone blind boy that they did... His future is uncertain, but his doomed relationship with a girl who is planning on leaving him for NY offers him something that is supposed to be precious... 
Can you tell I'm just disgusted by the whole situation.

Finn's future seems to be clear as of right now. No football scholarship, in his character's mind, means no college. I think this is a very dramatic and childish way of thinking. Figures. I think watching Finn find a new passion would be interesting. And finding out if he gets the girl. I think a long distance relationship, or him going to NY with her would be cool... But unrealistic. Who knows, maybe they'll amp up the drama and have a wedding proposal at the end of the school year. Wouldn't that be funny?!

His senior year has been good, in comparison. He's running for class president. His relationship is going well... I was sad to see the writers take his story in the same direction as Rachel's. I understand why, but I don't have to agree.

The run for class president is a good way to go, but it is only going to last so long. Once we find out about that we'll finally be able to see where his future will lead. With all the bad that happened to him from last year, his ending is probably going to be a happy one. With a few little hardships thrown in.

I know that the focus will be on everyone else as the show tries to find the supporting roles to take the senior's spots. All of the excitement will be coming from the wings rather than the main players this season. That's why I chose to focus on the three who are for a fact leaving after this year.

I hope you don't mine me sharing my opinion. I know that many people have fallen off the wagon after the mediocre 2nd season. I'm going to hold on and see if the writers can continue to keep people interested after their key players leave.

As for the music.
Adele is amazing and totally kicking everyone's butt... 
However, it's getting close to looking like overload. I'm interested to hear more artists. Not a repeat of the Lady Gaga obsession from last season. 
Lets hear some more 80's and 90's songs... 
Or how about some indie bands! 
I want new, FRESH music...
Not a glee rendition of a whole musician's life work.

Unless it's the Beatles or Frank Sinatra.
Because they're always classy.

I hope tonight's show is the one that pushes the story's forward so that we can get a move on with this season.

And P.S: where are all the Glee competitors? Wasn't there a whole TV show for the next Glee star? We've seen a few of them, but whats going on here? Are things not going the way they thought?

November 21, 2011

7 Years Ago

On this day, 7 years ago, Jake and I went to go see The Incredibles in theatre.
Yes, that movie is that old. 

We then went and made out on  a play ground...

Aaahhhh to be 17 again.

At least he had the right idea and asked me out once we were the same age. 
He's 9 months younger than me  

Smart man.

November 18, 2011

Prime Time

So with this season kicking off a whole slew of new TV shows I've found myself glued to my flat screen.

I adore each of these...

Anyone else find a new love added to their prime time couch surfing?

November 17, 2011

Camera Envy

Yep, I have it.

Since my camera broke about 7 months ago I've been at a loss. 
My picture taking has been limited to my puny phone.
The image quality is less than stellar.

This is where you come in.

I'm on the search for a decent camera.
One that will be good for in the moment shots and making memories as well as the beginning of a hobby.

I want to develop my photography skills. 
I mean really, I have the time to cultivate it. Why not?
But I have to start somewhere.

And right now, that is with a point and shoot.

Suggestions would be really great.

Also, what photo editing program do you use, if any?

Mucho love, bloggies!

November 10, 2011

Such is my life

Anyone who knows my history can tell you that I'm not that lucky with cars.
Actually they'll tell you I'm darn unlucky when it comes to cars.
This past week has been no different.

2 weeks ago, I was driving along and my oil pressure light came on. It had happened once before, before an expensive timing belt and water pump repair. I thought nothing of it and finished driving home. I knew my oil change was coming up and that would fix the issue.

Last week that dang light went off 3-4 more times. 2 of them being while I was driving Big Sis and Paisley home after work. Needless to say, having the little one in the car when the light went off caused a minor panic attack. I took the car to the shop the very next day, hoping that the repair would be under $500.

I was quoted $900. It had to do with my engine being full of oil sludge...
This did not include the 4-5 other repairs that Jake and I choose to set aside for the last repair.
I about crapped my pants.

I did not ok the repair and I picked up my sad Passat the next day. She has been sitting in my parking spot ever since.

Jake and I proceeded to have a long, heart to heart about our finances and how we should proceed with this situation.... After much debate we came to the conclusion that we're not coming to any conclusions.
Great, my husbands habit of decision paralysis has rubbed off.
Jake has given me the go-ahead to make whatever decision I have to... And I'm fond of not making a decision. It's a tough one to have to make when I know that it will impact us both in the long run.

I'm getting rid of my Passat. That's not up for debate.
What I'm doing about everything else is still up in the air.
Should I just suck it up and learn how to drive stick for the rest of the year?
Should I drive stick for a few months until I have enough money saved to buy a new car?
Should I save and buy a new car with a small finance plan?
Jake is not really in favor for getting a car loan, which I understand, but he trusts me to make the decision here...
It's hard.
I'm gonna pray about it for a few more days and hopefully have a plan of action by this weekend.

In the meantime, I had a stick driving lesson the other night...
It was interesting.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

November 9, 2011

Pinteresting Wednesday: Things happening

This blog post will be dedicated to things that have happened, in process, or on the schedule for my life.
In pins.


Last night. Yes, my blogging lovelies, last night KG and I hung pictures. It was the first step into permanency. Here are the inspirational pins for that project... Pictures of event to come.

Very soon (as in this weekend) I'll be doing something similar to this to fill in a black poster frame that is dominating our collage wall.
It'll have and 'R', for Jake and I, and a 'G' for KG and RG!
The buttons will be plum and the background fabric will be a damask!  

Chalk paint for laundry detergent holders... 

 Similar to this!

 A spray painting haven to go in the basement.

 This DIY wall art will be going on the wall above our couch.

This countdown will be in our kitchen, counting down the days until the boys get home. 

I'm doing this asap. No more stupid user manuals hogging the file cabinet. 

All of these will be done by December first. 

November 2, 2011


Halloween marked the first official holiday without Jake. It wasn't as bad or depressing as I thought it would have been.
Due to feeling pulled in so many directions by my handsome and beautiful niece and nephews, I decided to be fair I would spend Halloween at my own place.
I contemplated making Asher a costume, but in all honesty, I'm too tired to do that. I was just going to make him a racing number so he could be a racing hound... Clever, huh? Needless to say, it didn't happen.
Instead I closed the door and turned off all the lights and watched a musical.
Not even a scary one.
Thoroughly Modern Millie, with Julie Andrews.

I took Asher out on walks through out the evening and got to see a bunch of the costumes and houses.
Now that I know that my neighborhood is swarming with kids, that the adults are just as into dressing up as the kids, and that the neighborhood next to my condo is totally into Halloween, I wont be staying home next year.
One of the houses had a hot air balloon in their yard.
It was insane.

What about you. How did you celebrate Halloween?
Anyone else in the 'pretend your not home' club?

November 1, 2011

Back into the Swing of Things

I'm back.
I'm tired of blaming business as an excuse for pure laziness when it comes to something that I've been doing for the past 2 plus years. 
No more excuses.

Friday, before the training fiasco, I did something I have been procrastinating on since Jake left. 
I put in an application.
Multiple applications.
It was kinda nerve wrecking and stressful.
But now when family asks if I've been actively on the hunt for a job, I can look them straight in the eye and tell them yes.

It feels good.

Scary, but good.

October 31, 2011

Deployment Photo Shoot

Before Jake left one of the women in his unit, who is trying to build her photography business, contacted us asking if she could do a photo shoot with us before Jake left.
If you have been reading for a while, you know about my not-so-secret adoration of Kama, our wedding photographer.
Jake and I agreed to do the shoot because it was free in order to build her portfolio. 
I felt like I was cheating on my beloved Kama.

Erin, the photographer was super fun and super pregnant, but she had us all over the place for the shoot.

Here are some of the pictures.

Erin did a really great job. I love our family pictures with Asher.