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October 9, 2009

ITBAW in a Mean World

With bible study this week we looked at meanness.... Yeah, I know. It's something we all have to deal with. Something we all encounter on a day to day basis. For this the focus was on Ester 3:1-5.

Beth Moore always gets to me. In almost every session I know she's relating to me by using stories from her own life. Knowing a woman who leads thousands of women in a study like this and touching each and every one of them through a relationship of understanding... It's inspiring.

With the topic of meanness Beth Moore made a note that Meanness always has a history. Dude... It's sooo true. She spoke of the history of the rival between Mordecai, a Jew and Queen Ester's cousin, and Haman, a Jew hater and King Xerxes right hand man. This was all due to a deep family history of hatred. Haman hated Mordecai on principle... It was something about God directing Mordecai's ancestors to 'wipe out' Haman's ancestors due to their sinful ways. Now I don't know about what you make of that... But Haman's people must have been really sinful for God to have wanted them wiped out. Anyway, evidently King Saul, of the Israelites, disobeyed and let 1 person from that line live... which began the ancestral line of hatred.

Now I'm going to relate this in the same way that Beth Moore did... She stated that meanness perceives a threat. Think about that some... when we are threatened or our children, husbands, brothers, sisters, parents..... Our claws come out! We act without thinking... or we become vicious and strategical... It's in our nature to protect ourselves and our loved ones from any threat... and a lot of times it's funneled out in mean ways... when the threat is to ourselves we start comparing ourselves to each other... We try to find the opponent's weakness, we conceal our own... They then become our rival... Why? Why do we waste time and effort on them? Is it insecurity? Why do we feel as if we have to prove ourselves? Often we swap pain for anger just because it's easier and energizing... but soon anger turns into mean. But we're told to never stay angry... My favorite quote from the session....'you can get glad in the same clothes you got mad in' and it's so true... It's just like the whole never go to bed angry thing...

And we have to beware because meanness catches... And spreads... how many times have you had someone say something snarky to you... and you fire right back with out thinking... It happens to me all the time! And I mean ALL the time. I'll catch my self only after it's too late.

Hope comes in the popular saying... Hate your enemy with kindness... or something to that effect.

here is something that caught my attention in the evening's discussion last Thursday.

What is a mean girl?

  • someone who has to be the center of attention.
  • someone who digs at others, but don't own up to it when they get caught... They never take responsibility for their words or actions.
  • Someone who dresses provocatively around other girl's men! They only want male attention not necessarily that particular man's attention.
Don't try to talk anyone out of that last one... A woman knows the sexual power they hold.... And those who are unavailable but still flaunting their sexual appeal is a mean girl...

Who says we have to flaunt ourselves at all... we are entrenched in a society where sex drives everything. From hamburger sales to Hollywood. And girl who believe they are only as good as they are sexually desirable are giving in to social pressures...

I often find myself wanting to dress to impress.... But it's a competition with other girls for me. Which is very bad. I'm only now starting to understand that Jake doesn't want me to dress that way... He doesn't need me to look 100% all the time. He doesn't need me to be desired by anyone else, because I'm his. He told me that he sees me dressing provocatively as a threat. He feels more protective and aware of my actions and other men around me... And he doesn't like it. It makes him insecure. Him... Insecure in our relationship because I'm dressing like other girls my age... He then pointed out that other girls my age aren't a month away from getting married and starting a family. I'm doing something some of those girls are aiming for... I've already got the ultimate prize.

Next Friday: It's tough being a woman thrown a giant-sized weight.

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