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September 28, 2009

ITBAW in Another Woman's Shadow

Well, like I told you. I'm in a bible study that is all about 'It's tough being a woman'. The First topic in the study is titled 'it's tough being a woman in another woman's shadow'.

Anyone know what that's all about? It's a tough statement, but I honestly cant think of a single woman who could say it's never applied to them. Maybe wonder woman.... But seriously. How many of us aspire to be as good, as pretty, as pulled together, as organized, as diligent...... the list could go on and on.

My personal struggle with a shadow hits close to home and you've seen the effects of it if you've read some of my posts. It's hard when you catch yourself comparing your entire being to another. I do it with more than one person. So don't get me wrong. I'm just the most comfortable talking about TOB. From the beginning I put my life and personality against hers. I don't have the same kind of self confidence she does. She also has more money at her disposal that I do. So I constantly see her in new clothes, new shoes, carrying a new bag, getting a new puppy. (OK OK so the new puppy thing isn't just her.... but I want a puppy too damn it!!! gimme a second to self pity..... OK done now) And not that I care about that stuff (except the total unfairness of the puppy.... damn 'no pet' policy and possiable deployment) But it makes me feel shabby. I mean, I'm a shopper... Really. I could go and blow my whole paycheck on whatever in the blink of an eye.... And I have to consciously hold myself back and totally avoid money spending situations. So other shoppers will understand how I drool over TOB's new Jessica Simpson heels, Ugg boots or Coach bag.... I pine away with online window shopping. It's my only salvation.

Another 'shadow' has mainly to do with wedding planning. It's the measuring my ideas against the 5 weddings that have happened with in the past 3 years. My wedding has to be unique and different from all of them while using same elements they did... It's hard.

My final 'shadow', and one that isn't that big of a deal, that I have is a natural one for little sisters. The Big Sister. That's right. Birth position envy. This one you probably don't need explained. The whole 'she did it first', ' I wish I was old enough', 'I wish I was at that point in my life', 'I wish I was graduated too' thing. But the flip side of that is she did it first... So I can learn from her..... actions. (lol. like that Big Sis?)

Anyone know what I'm sayin' here? If you do.... Dig deep and blog about 'shadows' you feel like you walk in. I think in sharing our stories we'll see our own strength and take pride in ourselves.

1 comment:

ihatemichigan said...

I know exactly how you feel. I used to be really bad at puttting myself in the shadow of others. Only recently have I started to become proud of the shadow I've created for myself.

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