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July 28, 2009

Budget Woes

SOOOOooooooo.Fiance and I had our first real budget discussion. The whole thing started a while ago. FH and I have this bad habit of suggesting crazy things, like eloping, when our families get to be too much. This has been going on since day one of our relationship engagement. So it was no biggie when FH asked if we could just run away. All of a sudden money got brought into the reasoning for running away to get married. I brought up New York's growing popularity for eloping... bad idea. It seems unbeknownst to me, he grabbed on to the idea with both hands. His mention on expenses became more frequent. All of a sudden he starts talking about how he thinks weddings are a rip off and that no one ever stays within their budget.... Now knowing that I've been planning this all while he was gone, I knew he wouldn't be happy to know that we were probably going to go over budget by anywhere from $500-1000. I've been the one doing the research and calls.... not him. I know when I'm getting a deal and when things are over priced.

So when I was on my way to my friends bridal shower, I received an interesting phone call that went like this.
me-'Hey, baby love.'
him- 'Hey.... So I was talking to my mom and I mentioned the idea of a destination wedding and she's all for it. She was talking England or Scotland. But she's OK with it'
me- '...........What? OK. That's pretty cool of her. Ugggg I totally want to go to Europe. Oh well.' *laugh* 'I love you'
him-'So lets do it.'
me- 'What?' *laugh* 'OK, lets run away'
him- 'Yeah, but we cold do some research and see if we could do it'
me-'What? For real? Do you know how much money in deposits we would never see again. No baby, we cant.'

This is where his attitude came in.... Imagine passively angry and depressed sounding.... That's him to a tee.

him-'I thought you'd be proud of me.'....... *Oh, a blow right to the pompous*
me-'Baby....... I am. It's very cool that your mom was open to the idea. But I want all of my family there and they just cant afford to take a trip like that. Plus we'd be losing almost $2000 in deposits that would count against us.... That's a lot.'
him-'I just thought you'd like to have an option'
me-'If this had come up 6 months ago... Yes. But as of right now we just cant.'
him- *defeated* 'OK, well I just thought it was something you'd like'
me- 'Baby.... When we talked about eloping and running away before, I thought it was just normal lovey talk.... Not that you were serious.'
him- 'Well, maybe I was... I thought you were.' *ug he kills me*
me-'Oh love..... I just think our losses are bigger than our gain in this. I'm sorry. But good job talking to your mom. I wish you would have talked to me first and we could have talked to her together.... Like 6 months ago..'

Then I proceeded to feel like he was angry.... He claims he wasn't/isn't

The next thing I knew my sister started asking me about our budget. Now with my thinking I'm not including anything that people are paying for in our budget. I didn't add my dress because I paid for it myself. I didn't add the church because my Gram left me money specifically for that when she died.... I haven't been counting the bar because future in-laws were paying $3000 towards it..... I didn't know there were rules when it comes to wedding budgeting. I've never done it before..... My bad.

So we've been WAY off.... Like now our budget has to get changed from $10000.00 to $14000.00........ I went over all the prices with Jake so he could see the things we really got a deal on..... But I still felt that after the whole running away disaster discussion, that he was disappointed in me. Truly disappointed. So I freaked. I was on the edge of tears..... which for me is big. Then I decided that I've been doing a realllllly good job at getting deals and compromising certain things for the sake of the budget.

And that's where I stand. I'm doing a good job of getting things for the cheapest with the best quality. I'm cutting corners and doing pretty damn good. I could have ignored my gut and splurged on certain things that I knew I wanted. I could have calmed the nerves I have about certain vendors by going with someone with someone more expensive..... But I didn't. I'm trying really hard and I should get some credit...

So now that I'm getting wound up. Poo on that Jake. I'm doing the best I can.

4 comments:

soon to be mrs. said...

you are doing the best you can. Until the last vendor is paid and the last credit card payment is due(in my case) the money issue will always be the elephant in the room. You are right too, if he would have said something 6 months ago great, you guys are to far along in the process to say "Screw it we're going to vegas!"

So I give you a pat on the back!

ALin said...

Believe me, there were many a time in the planning process that J and I were like, "we should have had a destination wedding". Sometimes it just feels like too much. But I can tell you, now that I'm on the other side, it was all worth it. All the money worries, all the stress, all the drama, was all worth it. Just wait, after the wedding he will look at you and realize that you made it all happen and he will finally realize how much work you put into it. Even though J was very hands on he told me several times what a good job I did, and even that made it all worth it!

Hang in there.

Christine said...

I like to think that if you can make it through planning a wedding - you can make it through anything. I know you guys have been through a lot so you already know you can make it through stressful times. It is all worth it in the end. I like to think of a wedding as a fancy family reunion. That seems to make all the expenses more reasonable. You are doing a wonderful job considering the average wedding costs $23,000!

Crystal said...

See. Good comments from everyone. :) Your doing great! Good girl.