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September 2, 2015

Don't Be Afraid

Did you know that 'fear not' and many other variations of 'do not be afraid' are in the bible 365 times. 

It is one of the biggest messages that the bible has to tell.

Do not be afraid.

Do you think it is a coincidence that there are 365 days in a year?

I don't believe in coincidences.

For me 'fear not' isn't about living without fear of anything, but acknowledging my fear and moving beyond it. 

I this week has been one where my anxiety grows day by day. The kind of fear that makes me second guess myself. That my life is smoke and mirrors. That the people I love aren't who I thought they were, or they have changed and I annoy able to keep up. That nothing will change while I am forced to remain stagnant do to circumstance. It's all based on fear.

Today, I'm praying a little more often and a little more intensely.

August 4, 2015

Cycle 2 of Medical School

This is it.
It’s that time of the year.
All of the white coat ceremonies and pictures of first days of medical school are flooding my stream.
I can only imagine how my husband feels about it.

 \We did not make it into a med school program this year.

Jake’s applications are about to be finished, as soon as the Army can get his transcripts to the application host. We were told 7-10 business days on Friday.
Then we will be starting application cycle 2. 

We have broadened our scope of Osteopathic schools for this cycle.

Currently, in no particular order, we are looking at:
            • UP-KYCOM – Pikeville, Kentucky
            • OU-HCOM – Athens, OH and Dublin, OH
            • NOVA – Fort Lauderdale, FL
            • KCUMB-COM – Kansas City, MO
            • ATSU-KCOM – Kirksville, MO
            • LECOM – Erie, PA
            • PCOM – Philadelphia, PA
            • MSUCOM – East Lansing, MI

Due to Jake having been on the wait list for LECOM for his first cycle, we are of the opinion that there is an even greater chance that he will be accepted to their program this year. Understandably Jake wants to apply to all of the schools that he is interested in and get to choose his favorite program from those that he is accepted into.

With only one of those options being in the Columbus area, you can imagine that I am gearing up, mentally, to leave the city, if not the state.
It’s a stressful time.
We are looking at having second applications turned in and starting interviews, if we receive any, starting September or October.
I am hoping that we will know where our future will take us by Christmas.

It’s been a long road with lots of prayers and planning and I’m sure that there will continue to be more as this cycle draws to a close.

It’s scary.
It’s exciting.
It’s happening.

July 28, 2015

The Miniturist

The book club choice after Girl on a Train was the Miniturist by Jesse Burton

Review/Synopsis From Amazon
Set in seventeenth century Amsterdam—a city ruled by glittering wealth and oppressive religion—a masterful debut steeped in atmosphere and shimmering with mystery, in the tradition of Emma Donoghue, Sarah Waters, and Sarah Dunant.
”There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed . . .“
On a brisk autumn day in 1686, eighteen-year-old Nella Oortman arrives in Amsterdam to begin a new life as the wife of illustrious merchant trader Johannes Brandt. But her new home, while splendorous, is not welcoming. Johannes is kind yet distant, always locked in his study or at his warehouse office—leaving Nella alone with his sister, the sharp-tongued and forbidding Marin.
But Nella’s world changes when Johannes presents her with an extraordinary wedding gift: a cabinet-sized replica of their home. To furnish her gift, Nella engages the services of a miniaturist—an elusive and enigmatic artist whose tiny creations mirror their real-life counterparts in eerie and unexpected ways . . .
Johannes’ gift helps Nella to pierce the closed world of the Brandt household. But as she uncovers its unusual secrets, she begins to understand—and fear—the escalating dangers that await them all. In this repressively pious society where gold is worshipped second only to God, to be different is a threat to the moral fabric of society, and not even a man as rich as Johannes is safe. Only one person seems to see the fate that awaits them. Is the miniaturist the key to their salvation . . . or the architect of their destruction?
Enchanting, beautiful, and exquisitely suspenseful, The Miniaturist is a magnificent story of love and obsession, betrayal and retribution, appearance and truth.

July 17, 2015

Multi-Generational Living

My mom use to dream of a commune where all of her kids would live with their children. We would share a stable, pool and playground surrounded by houses for each family. It would make spending time with the most important people in her life easier. No fighting for time or space. She could see her grandchildren whenever it was possible.

I always thought that it was a funny idea.
A dream dependent on a winning lottery ticket.

Little did I know that I would be living as close to that as possible before I was 30, without a lotto ticket.
It’s called multi-generational living.
Our society call us the boomerang kids.

A little over a year ago Jake and I made the decision to move in with Jake’s mom and step dad. It wasn’t an easy decision, but with all of the changes that were headed our way with MCAT testing, med school application and interviews and Jaxon, it seemed like the logical thing to do. We packed up our condo, were nearly evicted by our landlords who wanted us out before the beginning of the month, and moved into the new place within 2 weeks.

It has been an interesting year. One in which I have been learning a lot about myself and my great big family.
Living with Jake’s mom and step dad was fairly easy. It was a year of adjustment for them in their new house, as well as us. Sometimes we were just living in the moment, trying to tread water with the things life was throwing at us. Other times living in the same house was a blessing.
Sure, there were challenges. But it has made our family stronger.
There is so much less pretense and more understanding.

This past month we welcomed Jake’s sister and family into the house.

3 families under 1 roof.


The B's

Mimi and Pa-Pa (and a sleeping Jax)
You read that right...
6 adults.
3 kids.
3 dogs.
1 cat.

(Poor Ezekiel.)

They are in contract to build a house and their house sold fairly fast. It made just as much sense to move in with all of us than to rent a tiny apartment.
More sense, obviously.

So we are in the awkward learning phase of living together.
Things are getting moved, schedules figured out, groceries split.
It’s a time of adjustment and grace.

It’s going to be a challenge. It’s also a great opportunity.
We are all hoping that we come away from this short time together with a fresh understanding, view and appreciation for each other.
And hopefully we won’t hate each other.

June 19, 2015

Looking Ahead

Sometimes, when I try to imagine my future and what is in store for us in the next few years, I’m paralyzed with fear. My body goes cold and I have a mini panic attack. My mind freezes, literally freezes, and my eyes glaze over. It’s petrifying.
The only way for it to ease is sending up a wordless prayer.

You may know the kind I’m talking about.

‘Dear Lord, Please…….’

Then that’s it. That’s as far as you can verbally, or mentally, manage. And afterward you are completely exhausted after thinking or saying those three words.

Afterward you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue about your day… Pretending like you have it all together.

It’s times of change that bring about the most fear. The shift away from the familiar and into the unknown. New towns, new houses, new people, new places. Everything strange and unclaimed. Becoming acquainted with your surroundings and trying to find a semblance of ‘normal’ when really it’s just all new and terrifying.

Looking at my life, the mantra has become, ‘get us all through today.’ Because if I get too caught up in what is to come, I will be the thing that our family has to get past in order to live out best lives. And I don’t want that.

So here I am, dusting myself off and looking at the things that I have to complete right now.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Let me live one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things tight if I surrender to His will so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever and ever in the next.